flat

When I was 10- I wished, hoped, hoped, hoped that they were all wrong. The scientist, my 4th grade teacher, Columbus, Queen Isabella- all of them. I just knew the Earth had to be flat. At night when my parents would fight I would plan my escape. I had bags packed and most importantly I would prove them all wrong.

My step-dad was military, air force. We were stationed in Madrid, Spain- or thereabouts. What a place to plan a grand escape. Spain's history was full of Grand Crazies. I was surrounded by the likes of Don Quixote, Picasso, and the rest of the nuts that stocked my field trips with excitement. I was actually being taught at the time by a world class crazy, she may have been the very reason I thought my plan might work. My 4th grade teacher came to school every day, dressed in her teacher's best. She had a sweater vest for absolutely every single season, holiday, Tuesday, whatever....... She had them all. Anyway this teacher, Mrs. Powers, attended in her best every morning and explained in great detail her previous evening. Her previous evening with Paddington Bear.

The story I remember the most vividly was as follows.... "Yesterday, boys and girls was such a long day. Raise your hand if you agree that yesterday felt longer than the day before........"

Hand shot in the air, minds began to wonder if maybe this meant that perhaps today would be shorter, you know to make up the difference. At the very least it could mean she was tired and we would watch a film about how a bee moves pollen with its feet.

"Well, let me just tell you how may day went , after I left you here at school." "I was feeling so tired and ready to kick back with a big bowl of ice cream. Boys and girls, raise your hand if you like ice cream........."

Were we getting ICE CREAM?!, it was unprecedented- sure, but tales go around schools that things similar to this happen. Once this teacher down the hall brought her students all her left over Halloween Candy. She had no trick or treaters and she thought she would eat it all herself. She was not military, but just a single lady who moved over there to teach on the air base. She lived on the economy, and well I guess no one told her that Spanish children don't trick or treat.

"Lots of you love I cream, well then you will understand how I suffered."

suffering, was there going to be suffering??

" The previous day I had gone to the store on my way home and bought a gallon of Rocky Road ice cream and left it in the freezer for just such a day as yesterday. I had been thinking of that ice cream all day long. My plan was to go home right after that long hard day yesterday and put on my pajamas. Boys and girls, raise your hand if you ever feel like putting on your pajamas RIGHT after school....."

no hands this time

"Well I do, A LOT, and I did. I put on my pajamas and got my book and went to get my Rocky Road. I got my spoon, my bowl, and when I picked up the Rocky Road it hit the ceiling of the freezer. Boys and Girls, raise your hand if you know why it hit the ceiling?........"

Samantha Jackson raised her hand, but Mrs. Powers did not call on her

"because it was empty!" " Paddington Bear ate it all, and whats worse is, he put the empty carton BACK in the freezer- as if he wanted to fool me. Boys and girls raise your hands if you know WHY that little son of a bitch ate my Rocky Road?"

silence (except Samantha)

"You all know very well, that Paddington is primarily a Marmalade eater. You and I both know for certain that there was NO Marmalade on that rocky road. I sat him down and told him that if he so much as smelled my ice cream again it was back to the train station for him, cute little blue jacket and all"

stares, a few tears........ "Now boys and girls get out your social studies book and lets discuss the fur traders of the 1700s.........."